Yahoo Plenty

2002-06-19T18:12:00.000-04:00

Hi...I never blog. My brother got tired of my blog being nothing but an empty page and hacked in to force a new publish.

also, he is VERY cool.

2002-03-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I last blogged! I am really going to try to be better!

Today I did some community service for my African American Studies class. I helped out at a special school for young kids who have special needs. It was such an amazing experience. None of the kids we worked with were too disabled, as in you couldn't tell there was anything wrong by looking at them. They were age 5-7 and they were all such handfulls, but they were still adorable. There were only 3 white children in the whole school and no white employees. It was so funny because when we walked in, I heard one of the children say, "look! White people. Check it out!" to another kid. Then, when the teacher introduced us to the class, several of them yelled out, "I love white people! I like white people!" They just wanted us to like them so much, it was clear. To be perfectly honest, I do have quite a bit of experience with this sort of work and I think that most of them were not born with problems. People do not often realize it, but so much of what can make a person be considered "special needs" or not is environmental. The kids at this school were in such desperate need of attention, it was clear. And they were more affectionate with us than any kids I have ever seen or worked with. I mean, I have tons of little children cousins who climb all over me and hug on me, but nothing like these kids. It makes me wonder if a lot of them do not get enough affection at home and they just really need that sort of stimulation in their lives. But all day long kids climed on me, hugged me, sat in my lap, and just loved me.
And the teachers had so little to work with. When I first walked in, I noticed that the lady teacher (they have a man and a woman) was so mean to them and yelled at them a lot and my first thought was, "What a bitch!" But, as the day went on, I really grew a respect for her. I realized those kids needed the discipline she provided them with and she never yelled at them mean spiritedly. As a matter of fact, kids hugged and kissed her all day and she always returned the affection. A lot of the kids told her they loved her and she always said it back. As much as she has to play the bad cop, I really think she is just a wonderful lady for doing what she does. Her job must be so stressful and hard, because those kids are just bad. They are at the same time the sweetest little angels and little devils. In any case, they are in desperate need of attention and I can't wait to go back next Saturday so I can provide it.
It really is an amazing place to work. I think I am going to keep going after my volunteer work ends. The people who work there are so incredibly nice and welcoming and they just make you feel so good. You really feel like they need you and are so so happy to have you there.

2002-03-02T07:55:00.003-05:00

I'm about to leave for New York (YAY!) I am so excited, but it seems my trip is already off to a bad start as I am tired as hell. I got home from the David Cross show at like 2 or so. Unfortunately, however, I had a pile of soapy wet laundry waiting for me where a washing machine had broke mid-use earlier yesterday. So, I put the load on again to wash all the soap out of it and, would you believe, an entirely different machine had the same malfunction! I was so angry because this cost me another hour of sleep! It was now going to take me 3 hours instead of 2 to do laundry. Well, damn, I was planning to get up at 6, so I figured sleeping an hour would not even be worth it. Not only that, but it also meant I had to use my dryer money so I had to scramble and find 75 cents.
Anyways, long story short, I finished my cleaning/packing/laundry doing at like 5. Then I ended up taking a nap from like 5 till 6:30. Now, Michael is about to come get me because it's raining. He said he'll be here after he "takes a quick 20 minuye shower." He can be such a queen sometimes, a real glamour bitch. I hope we have an okay time together in NY.

2002-03-02T07:55:00.002-05:00

2002-03-02T07:55:00.001-05:00

2002-03-02T07:55:00.000-05:00

2002-03-02T07:53:00.000-05:00

2002-02-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

I have not been doing a good job of writing regularly lately and for that, I am sorry. Yesterday was my birthday and it was the first time I didn't get to spend it with my parents. Fortunately, I got to go out with Steve, Scott, Aunt Carol, and Uncle Gary. I had such a nice time...they are all so cool. I should really try to see them all more. We went to South City Kitchen which I love and had wonderful food. Then, after dinner James and I went to the grocery store. I always spend way too much there. Last night was especially expensive because I was stuffed full and bought sensible foods. Fruit and healthy food are damn expensive! Oh well...

I am so excited about our townhouse! 3 bedrooms, 2 and a half baths, walk in closet, 1300 square feet, right in the heart of downtown Atlanta. All for the low low price of 985 dollars! I can't wait. Monday, we were sitting in class (same one I'm sitting in now) and in a total fit of impulse, I bought some candle holders off Ebay. James and I found them when they had 2 minutes to go and he was like, "Go! Go! Buy them!" and so, I made the first purchase for our new place. 4 dollar candle holders from Mexico. Good times. I didn't turn in my application to live in the Village for next year and the deadline was last night at Midnight, so I will definitely not be in the Village next year. Fuck a Village!

2002-02-15T13:14:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I just dumped my therapist. I went in there and had absolutely nothing to talk to him about, so we both agreed to see other people. I'm really going to miss him, he was such a nice guy, but I guess I'm just not fucked up enough to be in a relationship with him. Damn, maybe one day I will have the lack of strength...maybe one day. (sigh)

2002-02-15T13:09:00.000-05:00

Now, to blog about things a little more present, if I could. Last night I went to see Hedwig and JCM with one of my best friends in the whole world, my big brother Steve. We had a really nice time and it was so cool because JCM talked for a really long time after the movie. There were some real morons there, though. For instance, there was this one bitch who dresses as Hedwig and has some sort of cover band in Atlanta. This girl sucked ass. She thought that just because she was dressed as Hedwig, it gave her the right to say every word of the movie and sing every song at the top of her lungs. I think she clearly annoyed JCM after it was over, so I found some joy in that. Anyways, afterwards, we met JCM, Steve got his cds signed, and I gave him a hug! It was great and he is just so damn cute. Then, Steve and I headed back for the ATL. It really was the best Valentine's day I've had. I just think it is so cool that Steve and I can hang out, not as brother and sister, but as two friends. I have so much fun hanging out with him and I always know that one or both of us is gonna make some sick and disgusting joke that would appaul (I can't spell I need blogger pro) the general public, but the two of us can just laugh and laugh about it. Steve is the best.

Well, I think I may go home to Columbus tonight. I am supposed to go see Crossroads with James, Michael, and Anne tonight, though. I know, I know...Brittney Spears...what am I thinking? I am sure the movie will be just awful, but they all really want to see it and those are just the sacrifices a girl must make when she wants to hang out with two gay guys and a lesbian. Well, I don't know whether I am gonna see it and go to Columbus in the morning, or skip it and go on to Columbus tonight.

2002-02-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

Has it really been four days since my last post? I am going to hell. Let me see, what has gone on? Well, I went on my Blind Date on Wednesday and I can definitely say it was NOT a love connection. First of all, I went to meet him, with the cameras following, and who should be sitting on a bench chilling, watching the whole thing, and laughing at me, but Brad. I felt like such an ass. Now, let me describe the guy, to give people a clear picture. He looks like some Italian, machismo, jock or something. This guy is wearing a leather jacket. Now, when I say leather I don't mean cool, hip leather. Oh, no...I am talking late 80s early 90s bomber jacket leather! Then, the top three buttons or so of his shirt are unbuttoned and his chest hair is sticking out. He's got on this thich silver chain with a huge silver cross pendant! I am not so much complaining about him looking bas here, as much as I am stereotyping any guy who looks like that...and it is definitely not my style.

Then, we had an ass of time to kill before dinner so we went to the park and just sat on a bench talking. It was horrible. I know that I am going to come across as the most boring person in the world on this video and that is because I was BORED. We had nothing to talk about and I didn't feel like I could be myself with his religious, catholic ass. Then, we went to dinner and the food was good, but I was still bored. I won't bore anyone with the details. Next, we went ice skating. I got hit on by the guy renting out the skates, which I must say was the best part of the night! We got on the ice and I didn't fall or anything, but I just didn't have any form or fluidity of motion. We talked on the ice and it was okay...I guess. I was still more than ready to go home at this point. So, we left the rink, returned to GSU, filmed our post interviews, and then I was finally free to get the hell out of there. How romantic...and the day before Valentine's Day and everything!

2002-02-11T23:28:00.000-05:00

I went in for my on-camera interview at GSU this morning to try out for the Blind date show. Well, this aftrenoon, they called me back and told me that I was the one going on the date! Yay, I am so excited. Not so much excited because I'm going on a filmed blind date on Wednesday, but more excited that they picked me. She said there were 7 girls who wanted it and that means that they liked me better than the other seven. Compliments on your personality are so great! So, on Wednesday, they will film me going on a date with a complete stranger. I'm gonna miss the GLBT Alliance meeting, which kinda sucks but oh well... She says she thinks we're gonna go ice skating! ICE SKATING?!?! Boy, am I gonna get the chance to look fat and clumbsy on TV.

Moving along, I saw Monster's Ball friday night and thought it was amazingly good. I am already ready to see it again. Steve, we can go see it tomorrow night at 7:20 right by your place if you want and aren't busy. Or we can do something else if you wanna hang out. I will try to talk to you tomorrow.

2002-02-09T03:29:00.000-05:00

Oh, and one more thing, Steve...Hooray for gay males trapped in the bodies of females!

2002-02-09T03:28:00.000-05:00

Sing on girl! I agree! I refuse to go on feeling ashamed that I am singing my lungs out and doing cheesy 80s dance moves to the Cheers theme song while I'm driving down the road! Or maybe I should still be ashamed... I just can't help it...that song gets me.

2002-02-09T03:18:00.000-05:00

James and I went to a Midnight showing of Harold and Maude tonight. I had really forgotten just how wonderful that movie is. It is so beautifully written and I just think it is one of the greatest love stories. All people should see it.

2002-02-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

Well, things don't seem as bad now in the aftermath of last night's embarassment. I went to the counselor today, which was good. We had a really awesome session and he actually gave me some pretty good insights into my problems. I am amazed at how open I feel with him...I really feel so comfortable telling him anything. It's so cool. I am so glad he got assigned to me as my counselor. He's young, but really kind of geeky, so I don't think he gets out that much, but he's still so cool and understanding about everything I tell him.

After that, I went by GSTV to talk to the chick about the Blind Date show they are doing. Here's the thing, I have to go by her office Monday morning and give a taped interview where she asks me things like, "What do you hope to get out of this data?" BLAH BLAH BLAh...Then, they are going to pick whichever girl gives the best interview. Now, I am feeling competitive. It's not even so much that I want to be on the show as much as I want to get picked. I'm sure they'll go with some skinny blonde bitch, which is cool...but I just want to win! I am so competitive, but can I give a good interview? I do have a hell of a great Tracy Morgan story that got me first prize in interviews for all of Georgia...damn, I want to give the best interview. If I get picked, they're essentially saying, my personality was the coolest. I want them to say that about me. Can I be funny and charismatic? We shall see...

Yay! James is posting more! I am so proud of him! His blog is so interesting when he posts. Everyone who is bored, read the very few posts he has made! They rock!

2002-02-08T03:48:00.000-05:00

Why is it than when you finally get something you've really been wanting, it is ultimately dissatisfying. So, I have been chasing after Michael's roommate Brad for a little while, but not really coming on too strong or anything. Well, tonight he IMed me for the first time and asked if I wanted to hang out with him and Yan (actually spelled JAN, but that looks wrong), who is his best friend and roommate. Yan is just the sweetest guy. Well, I of course agreed, but having already made plans with James, brought him to hang out too. Jan and Brad came by my room where James and I were hanging out at like 11:30 and we just talked and laughed until like 12:30, when we decided to move to Yan and Brad's apartment. Then we talked for a little while longer and at 1:00, we watched Kitana's favorite chidhood show, The Sunday Night Sex Show on Oxygen. Damn, that lady never seems to get less fucked up.
Well, things were still going good, we were all having a nice time, but at 2:00, James and Yan decided to retire. This left me alone with Brad, and we talked for a few minutes at first, though I knew where this was going. Why am I so bad with the opposite sex? Why am I so stupid about these things? I am so ashamed of my poor skills with men, that I cannot even try to hide details to make myself look less lame. That's right, I, Katherine Stewart intend to be fully honest and forthright with my craziness. Let the games begin!

So then, Brad and I went into his bedroom to "watch TV" or some lame exuse like that. My inner monologue:"What are you doing Katherine? Where's this going...do you know?" Why am I so afraid of these situations...why? I am just so afraid of getting close to men, it's just awful. So Brad and I are sitting there talking and soon talking no longer seems to require sound coming out of our mouths. (okay, sorry for that cheesy bit of mysteriousness...we were making out). Okay, it's cool, I'm down with making out. But then, slowly I feel the hand starting to wander. Now if I am a robot in a robot movie, this is the part of the film where you hear some sort of beeping or siren, see my circuits overloading, smoke comes out of my seams, and eventually my head pops off or something like that. Well, I don't know what to do. I am so cheesy and ill-prepared for college life, I guess...though at least I'm no dummy. Well, back to the action at hand. Immediately, and without even consciouly thinking about it, I shoot backwards. I don't really know how to handle this situation, so I decide to be perfectly honest. I (damn I don't want to admit this) came right out and said I didn't want to do anything sexual.. What is wrong with me? Who says something so straightforward like that? Who, but me?
Well, guess at this point, the mood is fairly well killed, so we end up talking. Actually, we had a great time talking...we have so much and common and he thought everything I said was really funny, which is always good. I guess this talking alternated with kissong for about an hour. It was fine by me, but I couldn't help feeling guilt, because I knew he was most likely disapointed. Now, I know someone may want to give some advice here and say, "but if he was disapointed and wasn't cool with just talking, you don't need him anyways." Yes, how true that is, but I am smart enough to know that 90% of straight guys would much rather make-out and fool around than talk. It's a principle of evolution, I think, so I hate that he was disapointed. It was just, there was no way in hell I was going anywhere near my virginity with this dude. Well, long story short, I gave a hug goodbye and left at about 3.
Damn, oh damn, I am so bad with straight men. Why did God put a gay male in a woman's body...yes, I mean me. I really think I could date gay men with no problems, but I do not know how to date straight guys. Damn you Richard and Steven for providing me with sensitive and kind male role models...now I don't know how to interact with straight men.
Well, now let me try to end a horrifically long Blog, though I know I can't do it without this story sounding more psychologically wrong. The thing is, that I got close to Brad and now I am so turned off by him. He's not what I want...I want a sweet guy to go on dates with...not stay in, watch Oxygen, and fool around with. How terrible is this...now I am really sort of interested in Yan. Damn, I am insane in the membrane!

2002-02-07T01:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, I am fully prepared to recognize the lameness that this next story swims in, but I shall tell it, nonetheless. Today as James and I were waiting fo the elevator in the parking deck, to go home, a flyer caught my eye. It said they were looking for outgoing chicks between 18 and 24 with a good sense of humor. I hope that I fit those paramaters. Well, turns out our student run TV station, GSTV is having a blind date type dating show and they need somone to be on it. I called the number right away and left a message. I really hope they call me back cause I really want to do this. Is that too lame?

2002-02-07T01:15:00.000-05:00

I have been doing such bad job of blogging this week! I will try to do better.
Way to go Andy on my friend test...how did you do so well?
Who are those people who have been taking it under weird names?

2002-02-04T17:29:00.000-05:00

I've always wanted, but never have had, a boy friend on Valentine's Day, or on my birthday (February 19th). Now, I fully recognize how cheesy this is, but when I was in like 9th grade, I had a boy friend from February 15th to the 18th. That's messed up!

2002-02-04T05:05:00.000-05:00

I love rabbits.

I love David Cross.

Okay Steven, I made a friend test, but you're almost the only person who can get most if these.

2002-02-01T02:40:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged about Brad in a few days, because James and I had decided we hated him (yes, we seem to date together). Well, last night we decided we loved him again. It was great...he flirted with me hardcore and I have almost no doubt that he's interested...I just worry it's a conflict of interest. I cannot be sure whether he is interested in me, or just interested in doing me...or is there a difference?
Well, last night Michael stepped out to meet a friend outside the gate and James was on the phone in the corner and wasn't really paying attention, but all the sudden he turned around and Michael was gone, Brad and I were playing poker, and Brad had his shirt off. He had the biggest, "what the fuck?" face. Well, let me clarify what happened. Brad and I were playing poker, but we weren't gonna bet anything, but then we decided that ruined the point of poker. So then, Brad said we'd bet with quarters, but the problem was niether of us had any quarters.
Well, I already had my hand and before even taking cards, I had 3 kings, so I told him if I won he had to take his shirt off, knowing I was gonna win. Well, I won, of course, and he took his shirt off, but I let him put it right back on because I wasn't playing strip poker...I wasn't taking anything off! Although, I did win the next 4 rounds anyways, but I'm not trying to get anyone naked.

2002-01-29T16:46:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah, forgot to mention...guess I finally will get to see Jon Stewart after all this time. I called today and got tickets for The Daily Show instead...it's definitely no Conan, but they'll do!

2002-01-29T16:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday things were going terribly for me and I really thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I decided to take a nap and was in bed contemplating how my day could possibly get any worse when my phone rang-my mom. I answered the phone and she told me that something had come to me from NBC and asked if I wanted her to open it. I said, "sure" and it was a letter from the Conan O-Brien show informing me that the show I had tickets for had been cancelled! CANCELLED! I pretty much planned my NY trip around going to Conan and it got cancelled. This is like the time Jon Stewart got cancelled when Steve, Amy, Djin, and I tried to go. So of course, the Conan thing was the straw that broke the camel's back and I broke down in tears on the phone with my mom and told her about all the money troubles I was having. She said not to worry that she would take care of it.

Twenty minutes later Steven called and invited me to dinner. We went to a really nice restaraunt by his apartment and it really cheered me up. Steven seemed like he was pretty stressed from all the work he's been doing lately and it was just so good for us to get out of our respective apartments together. I don't think he even realizes what it has meant to me having him up here with me, but I feel so blessed every time I am with him. I don't know how I got so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, but I did. Steven is such a great big brother to me and I don't tell him often enough how much I love him and how thankful I am to him for being such a wondeful person. Thanks Steven...you made me feel so much better last night.

2002-01-28T11:03:00.000-05:00

See what Care Bear you are.

love that my bear has a spelling error in it. Damn, I am too anal.

I certainly don't feel very lucky today, in any case. At around 4 AM, I learned that due to a series of unexpected events, I now have -15 dollars that is supposed to last me for the next month! Damn, I hate college. Should I make it -35 and go see Busta Rhymes anyway? I am so tired of this bull shit and I need a job now! If I can just find a job making 200 bucks a week, I will be fine. Problem is I don't want to sell anything, I don't want to work with food, and I can't type for shit! What other options are there for a college student? Any ideas?

2002-01-28T02:56:00.000-05:00

Hey Tavie, I think it's kickass that you're proud of your hair! When I made my hair red and it flipped out all around, I got made fun of. Steve and Richard kept calling me the liberty bell and even my grandma made fun of it. She said, "I have this picture of you on my desk at work and you looked so pretty...you know... back when you were blonde!" Ouch! But, you know what, I liked my hair...so that's all that mattered!

2002-01-28T02:50:00.000-05:00

I cannot wait till the first week of March when I go to New York! I have no plans except to see Conan one night, but I still think it will be great. Of course, I am going with a rich gay guy who wants to go clothing shopping everyday...nevermind my poor ass. I also can't wait to meet all of Steve's New York people since the only people I actually know up there are Beth and Jahmal. But, Michael, who I am going with, wants to go to a gay club that Saturday night that we arrive and of course I am down for that! I just have to steal Beth's ID or something so I can get it. Michael is so damn cute...everyone who meets him loves him and he loves everyone he meets. Tavie, Gina, Matt, and everyone else have to go clubbing with us so I can finally meet you kick ass folks! I'm trying to get Steve's poor ass to drop a few more bucks and go, but he's being all punk ass about it. Blah, blah, blah...what could be better than spending time with your sister in New York and catching Conan? Furthermore, when's the next time we'll go to a gay club together since he wouldn't go after that damn Margaret Cho show? Damnit, I need some more stuff to do in New York!

2002-01-28T02:14:00.000-05:00

Last night I couldn't sleep so I finally watched the Hedwig Documentary and Commentary. I am such an asshole that it took me so long to watch it, but at least I finally did. It was as wonderful as I knew it would be too. Well, right around 7:30 this morning when I was still awake, I got so bored that I almost went to church! This kickass dude a few floors up, who is actually a big pothead, goes to this Young Single Adults LDS ward here and says it's pretty cool. Damn I was bored! I finally did fall asleep though.

2002-01-28T02:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, I admit that it has been too long since my last Blog, but I definitely have something blogworthy now. I stumbled upon the most fucked up and wonderful show in the world tonight. On the Oxygen channel at 1 AM this Canadian show called The Sunday Night Sex Show came on and damn it was great. This old lady who looks like a middle school gym teacher has this call-in Dr. Drew type show, but it's just so fucked up. She has all these dildos that she uses for demonstrations. Now, I am not making this up, she pulled out this wand shaped dildo and said, "it looks multi-functional" and proceeded to stir her coffee with it! Then, some guy called in and she told him to jog with ben wa balls in his ass as a real turn-on so he could jack off when he got done running! WTF? Steve made a very good point. Most guys don't do that and they seem to do just fine. In any case, this show is fucked up and anyone who reads this should make a point to look it up and watch it.

2002-01-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

I am Royal Tenenbaum. Who might you be?">

Damn, I think Royal is cool!

Thanks Tavie!

2002-01-23T11:28:00.000-05:00

James and I are both so frustrated. We are both having men troubles! I will start with James and his problem. James met this really hot guy named Nathan at the GLBT Alliance meeting last week. He was dressed so nice (and he's a republican, so I like him). This guy was obviously interested in james and James was obviously interested in him, so all is good in the gay universe, right? No, wrong! You are forgetting about the common shallowness that runs through gay society. Yes, James did like Nathan at the meeting and yes, Nathan was a really hot guy, but there is only one problem and this is going to sound shallow. Nathan is only attractive sometimes. I know that sounds weird, but I swear it's true. Sometimes he dressed really poorly and wears a hat and looks like a geeky straight guy instead of an attractive gay guy. James is a total heterophobic. It's all good to date a guy who looks straight, but whenever we see this guy at school, it's like he's trying to put forth a straight image. Not cool, dude. I kinda got that impression when, the first time we met him, he said to our friend Michael, who has a class with him, "Yeah, you didn't ever speak to me in class, because you didn't know I like to play with dick yet." To which I replied, "All guys like to play with dick." Well, anyways, James is really confused and doesn't want to be shallow, but he also doesn't want to date a closet case who tries to present a straight image.

Now, on to my trials and tribulations with the opposite sex. I keep wondering, does Brad dig me, or is he just a flirt. It is clear to me that he always flirts with me big time whenever I go over there, but I cannot figure out whether it is because he is just one of those fun guys who flirts with all chicks, or if it is because he has some sort of special interest in me that he is not acting on quickly enough. I just asked James for his advice and he says I am not sending strong enough symbols in return. Why am I so bad at this? Why? How can I let him know I am interested in such a way that it is impossible for me to get rejected? James and Michael insist that I need to just grow a pair and ask Brad out, but I think I need to figure out some way to manipulate Brad into asking me out! Damnit, why can't we go back to the old system? Why the fuck can't I be a 1950s housewife type chick that the guy approaches (most likely because I just used the word "fuck")? It just seems like guys don't approach women anymore but expect us to approach them! Damn the new system! Damn it to hell!

2002-01-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

Busta Rhymes is coming to my school!!! I am going to see Busta Rhymes!!! I love him so much and now I will see him. It's really funny, because just a couple days ago I had a dream about him. I dreamed that he was one of Richard's really good friends and so he was, naturally, hanging out at our house. He and I started talking and we were really getting along well. There was some obvious chemistry and we really were interested in one another. Then, he had to go, because (for some fucked up reason) he had a job as a bellhop at a hotel downtown and he had to go to work. So, my parents were on the porch standing together when Busta was saying good bye to me. He gave me a hug and went to give me a nice, polite kiss on the cheek, but I moved and made him kiss me on the mouth. He was kinda surprised that I had done that, because he was trying not to come on too strong in front of my dad. Well, we looked up on the porch and my dad was just smiling. He had this, "Wow. My daughter is dating an old ass rapper" look on his face. That was cool though, because I had no idea that my dad's facial features were even capable of forming such a look. Well, in any case, eventually I woke up, but the point is, I was in love with Busta in my dream and 3 days later I find out he's coming to my school! Tell me that was not a sign (not that I believe in signs, but if I believed in signs, I would believe that was a sign).

2002-01-18T03:55:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah, Steve I forgot to mention, I finally saw Orgazmo tonight. That movie surely can't be the same if you weren't raised a Mormon. I got jokes that other people in the room really didn't, you know?

Oh God, I love Ron Jeremy! He is so cool to me. I taped that Weakest Link episode...you must see it. Anne says, "Ron, you're very short." and he says, "not when I'm laying down." HAHAHAHAHA How can I both find porn (especially him) so utterly disgusting, but at the same time find him so cool?

2002-01-18T03:38:00.000-05:00

I really, really am digging Michael's roommate Brad more and more all the time. Actually, it isn't even't so much that he's cute as much as I am very interested in his personality. If I passed him on the street I would never notice him, though because I am so attracted to his personality, I find him to be hot as well. The thing is, I know better than to get my hopes up, because it's highly likely that he has no interest in me at all, in which case, why waste my time? James and Michael insist that he gives me signs of interest, but I am so bad at picking up on them. Also, sometimes I think he flirts with me, but I have absolutely no ability to flirt back. This means if he is interested, he'll think I'm not and move on. Damn, I hate the courting process. I wish the system were so much simpler. If a person is interested in another they should be able to, with no shame, ask, "So? You interested?" and then receive a yes or no response with no awkwardness. If everyone did things this way, it wouldn't be awkward.

And why don't people go on dates anymore? I never hear about anyone going on a real date, date with anyone else. People don't seem to date, so how do couples ever get together??? Is it all based on sex now? Surely, all straight guys can't just be after sex. I simply must believe that some of the ones (though not all) who seem nice, truly are. I just want to go on a date with a nice straight guy who can make me feel special. That's it!

2002-01-17T00:06:00.000-05:00

I am blogging so much tonight! First of all, I must say that I really love the Cheers theme song.

Secondly, this reminds me of all the volunteer work I should be doing. Yes, it would be nice to work with kids this age, but I feel more sadness that I am not doing anything in special ed. I never feel like I have the time for it, but I also miss it so much. I don't feel complete without the volunteer work that once filled my daily life. I resolve to start volunteering here in Atlanta. I will do Aid Atlanta, Big Brother Big Sister, and some special ed work!

2002-01-16T23:56:00.000-05:00

I totally am digging Michael's roommate Brad and James and Michael say he's always hitting on me, but I just never pick up on it. Unless a guy is absolutely blatant about it, I will never notice if he's interested in me.

Speaking of guys being blatant, today James and I were waiting in line at the Registrar's office and this really sleazy looking guy walks up. He looks all pimped out and has poured after shave all over himself or something. Well, he asks us what the people are waiting in line for and we're both looking at him as James explains what the line is for and he interrupts James, turns to me, and says, "You like what you see?" I can't believe such nasty guys actually exist. No, I don't like what I see and he just made it worse! It took everything James and I had not to laugh in his face. And how did this guy know James wasn't my boyfriend? What if James were my boyfriend and had threatened to kick his ass over that. Damn, I really want a boy friend who can stick up for me in situations like that...and so that my dad won't accuse me of being a lesbian again.

2002-01-16T23:50:00.000-05:00

That crazy guy named Clinton came to the GLBT Alliance meeting tonight at Georgia State. He asked me for a ride home, but I lied and told him I didn't have room in my car. I felt bad for lying, but I don't want his crazy ass in my car. Luckily, he didn't end up going to eat with us, but when I talked to all the people at dinner, they all had Clinton horror stories. And, it turns out that Clinton had told everybody something different about his life. He told me his boy friend killed himself, he told Brittney he died of AIDS, he told another guy it was a drive by, and another guy it was a car wreck. Damn this dude needs help and, as bad as this sounds, I don't think I can be nice to him. It's obvious that he needs attention, but why should I put myself through the stress of talking to this crazy guy when it is clear that he is too nuts for me to help? I'm just gonna stay away.

2002-01-15T01:09:00.000-05:00

Steve...don't feel evil. That nice ass guy moving into your office makes me angry and annoyed on behalf of you!

2002-01-15T01:06:00.000-05:00

I spent the entire day hanging out at Michael's place. He is so damn cool and I just have so much fun with him. Also, I am really starting to dig one of his roommates, which doesn't hurt. His roommate, Brad, is so funny and we really seem to get along well with each other. However, this is not to say that I am feeling too much hope that anything will ever happen between us...I learned long ago not to get my hopes up for anything. Also, he's not gay...so we're doomed from the beginning.

2002-01-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

I worked out for over an hour today after class, so I feel really good. It wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be.

2002-01-14T02:04:00.000-05:00

When you are up late and can't go to sleep...nothing is better than TV Land and a bowl of Macaroni and cheese.

Damn, yet another failure in my ongoing quest to lose weight...

2002-01-13T18:23:00.000-05:00

Last night was so much fun. James and I hang out with outr new friend Michael who is one of the coolest people I know. We have always talked to him at school and stuff, but now that he has moved to the Village, we can hang out with him outside of school. He's handicapped, so he has to either use a wheel chair or a walker to get around, but he is so cool about it. I'm talking...this guy was gonna go as Timmy from South Park for Halloween. He is so funny and has a really biting sarcastic sense of humor, so of course we love him. He gave me the best compliment, though. He told me I'm one of the funniest people he ever met and that I should be a comedian, because I just have a funny way of saying things and I always make him laugh. Secretly, I have always wanted to be a comedian, but I never put too much stock in it because I know I'm not funny enough. Still, it was cool of him to say that.

So, we spent a few hours with Michael checking out guys at the gay coffee shop and then we came back to my apartment and told stories and just laughed and laughed. Then, we went back to Michael's place and hung out with his new roommates and their friends. One of his roommates was showing us this 3 page article with Rolling Stone with a huge picture of him, because he gets paied $150 a week to make donations to the sperm bank and they did a story about it. He and all his friends are so cool though. James and I were telling them about the one time we looked into phone sex and how phone sex operators can make as much as 60-100 dollars an hour. Michael's sperm bank roommate said he could do it for that much money. So then, we told one of his friends to call and test him and see if he could do it. But the guy who called was just like, "What are you wearing?" and boring stuff like that. So, I pointed out that you're gonna hear some stuff much worse than that, so they told me to go in the other room and call him with some real nasty stuff. So, I dragged James into the bathroom and called him. I asked him about some really nasty shit, like I told him I wanted him to shit in my mouth and I told him I wanted him to tell me about getting fucked by a big donkey dick. He did a pretty good job. It was so funny. I'm not into either one, but as far as donkeys and shit in mouth go, he made them pretty sexy. Anyways, we were all laughing our asses off, so I guess now we're down with Michael's kickass roommates and their friends. There were no girls there when this was going on which just goes to show, again, how much I only feel at home when I'm with a group of guys. It's cool though...I love being one of the guys all the time.

2002-01-12T04:28:00.000-05:00

I almost never get hit on and neither does James, but tonight in a freak coincidence we both were and we both let it go to waste. We made plans to go to a gay coffehouse and just as we were pulling out, I realized that I had left my access card to get into the Village in my room, so James sat in the car while I went back for it. When I got down to the lobby to leave, these two really hot guys were walking through and then one smiled at me and said, "hey." So I'm thinking, "No big thing...he's probably just a friendly guy." But then, just as we're walking out our respective doors, he calls to me, "Wanna go to a party?" And I asked him about the party and he told me where it was and I really did want to go, but there was no way in hell I was going alone and I seriously doubted that he'd intended for my gay best friend to come along when he extended the invitation to me. So, I told him I might show up, but deep down I knew I didn't have the balls to show up.

So, I get to my car and tell James about it and he says that I should go to the party, but still I am too afraid to go. I guess it's a little social anxiety or something. But actually, I knew there would be other chicks there and I am no good in social situations when other females are around...unless, of course, they are lesbians. So, we headed to the coffee shop. There were so many cute gay guys there and maybe one or two straight ones, but they all looked a little snobby, so James and I really only talked to each other. Then, I saw this total flamer, named Clinton, that I recognized from one of the GSU Gay Alliance meetings, so I asked him why he only came to the one meeting and he told me that he'd felt really unwelcome at the one meeting, which really surprised me considering how welcoming everybody is, but I just apologized and told him he should give it another shot (and now the night goes awry).

He was new to Atlanta and didn't know too many people and asked for my number, so I gave it to him and went back to sit with James. James and I continues to talk for a while and check out all the guys there. I just love gay guys...I think it is one of the most beautiful things in the world. There is nothing sweeter than well-dressed guys who are sensitive and can be so loving and affectionated towards one another. How can something so beautiful be so shunned by our society? In any case, there was a lot of beauty in that room and James and I sure were admiring it.

And enter Clinton Stage right. He asks if he can join us, so of course James and I say yes. And then he begins to tell us all of these terrible things about how lonely he is and what a terrible life he has had. I mean this guy had terrible thing after terrible thing to tell us. I mean, if he went on Stern, he would more than win the Sal Calabro breast implants (yes, back to Stern again). He even told us that he had been planning to kill himself tonight and that he wears long sleeves to cover the scars he has fom other suicide attempts (not because it's 40 degrees out or anything). I'm sure my complaining all sounds very insensitive, but soon it may make a little more sense. So, Clinton goes on and on and the story just gets worse and worse and sadder and sadder, but slowly there are more details that don't add up. Like, for example, he says that he doesn't fit in in Atlanta and he calls all his old friends in California and they cannot believe how he's treated here because they all love him and think he's such a nice guy. But later, when I mention his friends in California, he says he never had friends there either...but one time he had two friends who got shot in a drive-by and he witnessed it. Just, little things didn't add up.

But, James and I continue to humor him, just in case he really was planning to kill himself, though we doubt it more and more by the minute. I just figured, if he's this desperate for attention, I'll bite. But actually, I think he was making passes at James, because he'd say things like, "I just don't want to be alone tonight." But, he kept saying he felt so ugly and that nobdy loved him...blah blah blah. Then, this pretty cute guy walks up to James and says, "Excuse me, my friend with the blonde hair outside thinks you're cute." And the friend he is talking about is way hot, but James really can't jump on the chance for a number or something, because it would look pretty shitty when this Clinton dude is blabbering on about how lonely he is.

We finally managed to get away from Clinton, but the whole evening was just a horrible waste. I don't know why James ans I always attract crazy ass people

(SIGH!)

2002-01-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

As I was stuffing my last chicken wing in my mouth after having already eaten fries and pizza today, a thought occured to me. "Perhaps now is a good time to start going to the rec. center on campus." I mean, I have this multi-million dollar niceass rec. center at my complete disposal for free and yet I have never been. So, I threw on some running pants and dragged James along. We toured it and felt like complete idiots for never having gone to this place. It is absolutely amazing...it's four floors and they have any machine you'd ever want to work out on, pools, tennis coutrs, basketball courts, and any kind of class you'd ever want to take. I only worked out for about 30 minutes, but I think I really am gonna try to start going more, because there's no excuse for going 30 feet out of the way to an elevator to avoid 2 flights of stairs. I'm gonna get in shape.

2002-01-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I went to the comedy club with Steve and some other family members to see Mitch Hedberg. It was such an awesome show and we even got a special surprise because Dave Attell was there. Both of those guys are so funny! I had such a good time and I am really glad I got to spend time with my family. I am so lucky to have such a great family and to have people right here in the city with me. I am really glad I got to go. I was kind of worried that I wouldn't get in because I'm not 21, so I went and got a fake ID today. It's kinda cheesy but not too bad, I guess. I felt really stupid buying it because normally I make fun of people who get fake IDs, but I think it's excusable if a person does it for the sake of seeing Mitch. Well, it wouldn't have mattered because they didn't even ID me, but now I'll have it whenever people want me to go to the club (like when I go to NY in March).

2002-01-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well...it's surprising and nice to know that people have actually read my blog.

2002-01-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

I swear, I watch way too much TV. Everything I watch on TV reminds me of how inadequate I am in one way or another. I'll see two people who are madly in love and truly happy on TV and it reminds me of how lonely and sad I am. Then, I watch Howard Stern and from time to time he'll rate these girls who come in to his studio. These girls are always ten times more beautiful than I could ever hope to be and it never fails that Howard rips them apart. It's sad, I always knew that I wasn't beautiful, but it wasn't until I started watching Howard Stern that I realized how truly unattractive I really am. Furthermore, I always knew I wasn't real thin, but when I started to watch Howard's show, I discovered that I'm downright fat! Damn, I wish so much of being beautiful wasn't based on weight. I want so badly to be able to lose weight, but I know that even then, I'll never be happy. It's just that I've never had a guy who made me feel pretty or even special and I can't help thinking that it's because of my looks. I know I shouldn't think this way, but I just cannot help thinking that not guy will ever love me because I'm not beautiful. I know that's not what love is based on, but I worry that no guy will ever even give me a chance because they won't be able to get past my looks. On top of everything, I just feel like a complete ass complainging about such a shallow issue, but it's always on my mind. I try not to even talk about it because other people might think that I am fishing, but I think they just don't even understand how deep my self-esteem issues run. I don't even know why I look so down upon myself, but I do. My looks are just the first step into an entire sea of self-loathing. I hate so much about myself and even feel self-loathing for thinking myself to be so inadequate. I swear that one day i am going to get over all of these problems and I am afraid that a male companion may be a key element in doing so. Okay, damnit, I am tired of bitching. I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel better and wish I hadn't written all this shit, but for now I am going to send my distress out into cyber space.

2002-01-02T22:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this is gonna sound a little silly, but last night I was watching All in the Family and it really got me to thinking. It was this episode where an attacker breaks into the house and tries to rape Edith. Of course, in true Edith fashion, she was absolutely hysterical. So, she tells Archie what happens and he just holds her and tries to comfort her and make her feel better. It was a dumb thing to get me upset, but it really did. It just reminded me of how much I want to be in a committed relationship with a guy who cares so much for me. All Archie did was want to protect Edith. It's silly, because a lot of times I don't let on to people how vulnerable I really do feel. I try to act really tough and pretend nothing can ever hurt me, when really all I want is a guy to hold me and try to protect me from all the hurt that I know is really out there for me.

2001-12-30T02:19:00.000-05:00

Well, right now I really don't have a whole lot to say. My brother said to me, "you should get a blog," so now I have one. Pretty soon, I will most likely use this blog for bitching about all sorts of things, but right now I am too tired to get into how much I hate the world and those who inhabit it. For now, I'm going to sleep.

KAT